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Speech

How I give criticism

Feedback can be said so it lands, or so it is remembered badly for years.

25 statements, about 4 minutes

What the result will show

On the substance a specific action instead of a person's character
In private one to one, or in front of others
In time raising it while it is fresh
With a way forward whether there is a way forward, not only what is wrong
Without humiliation the tone when you are irritated

Start The first statement opens straight away — no sign-in, no email.

1I talk about a specific action, not character

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

2I generalise: "you always do this"

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

3I give an example, not a general impression

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

4It is hard to tell from my feedback what to fix

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

5I separate the fact from my judgement

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

6I give criticism one to one

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

7I correct people in front of others

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

8I do not discuss someone’s mistakes with others

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

9I post criticism in a group chat

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

10I pick a setting where the person is not embarrassed

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

11I raise a problem while it is fresh

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

12I store up complaints and unload them at once

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

13I do not wait for an annual review to speak

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

14I bring up things from six months ago

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

15I speak while it can still be fixed

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

16I suggest how to do it better

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

17I only point out what is wrong

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

18I ask what got in the way

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

19I offer help when it is needed

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

20I leave the person alone with the problem

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

21I give feedback in a calm tone

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

22When irritated I say hurtful things

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

23After talking, the person does not feel worthless

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

24I stress that I warned them

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

25I make clear I still think well of the person

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

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What this page answers

How I speak in conflict
How well I listen
Directness and softness
Asking for things
Saying no
Apologising
Praise and recognition
How I give criticism
How I take criticism
Silence and pauses