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Speech

Saying no

A refusal is neither rudeness nor betrayal. This is about whether you can say no.

25 statements, about 4 minutes

What the result will show

The right to refuse refusing without justifying yourself
Clear refusals whether your no sounds like a no
Without guilt what happens inside you after refusing
Offering an alternative offering what you can do instead
Consequences living with the fact that a refusal may upset someone

Start The first statement opens straight away — no sign-in, no email.

1I can refuse without justifying myself

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

2I agree so as not to upset the person

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

3I see refusing as a normal part of talking

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

4Agreeing is easier for me than saying no

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

5I say no when I genuinely cannot

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

6My no sounds clear, not ambiguous

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

7I say "we will see" when I mean no

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

8I say no straight away instead of stalling

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

9I go quiet instead of refusing

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

10People understand my answer after I refuse

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

11I feel guilty after refusing

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

12I dwell on whether refusing was right

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

13I am at peace refusing for a good reason

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

14I overcompensate later for having refused

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

15Refusing does not ruin my day

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

16I offer what I can do instead

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

17I suggest who else could help

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

18My refusal sounds like "not my problem"

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

19I name a time when I could help

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

20I refuse curtly and end the conversation

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

21I accept that a refusal may displease someone

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

22I fear a refusal will damage the relationship

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

23My refusals have not cost me close relationships

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

24I take on too much and regret it

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

25I see that refusing freed time for what matters

Not me at all Rarely me Sometimes Often me That is exactly me

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What this page answers

How I speak in conflict
How well I listen
Directness and softness
Asking for things
Saying no
Apologising
Praise and recognition
How I give criticism
How I take criticism
Silence and pauses